The La$t Word at Christmas by Todd Federman
inspired by “The Night Before Christmas” — by Clement Clarke Moore
T’was the night before Christmas, and all are bereft.
Our investments are down, there is no money left.
Stocks, commodities and private equity too,
It seems every sector has stepped in the poo.
The once high and mighty did quick fall asunder,
Fannie and Freddie Mac swiftly went under.
Wamu and Wachovia, both hit the wall,
And AIG, oh my god what a fall!
Bear Stearns, the once venerable could not survive,
And Lehman Brothers Inc, man o man what a dive!
Hedge funds were hammered, both here and abroad,
Their trading strategies were seriously flawed.
We turned to the Fed for much needed relief,
They’ll save our investments, that was our belief.
The Fed stepped in with a few trillion (to date),
Alas for poor Lehman, they were one step too late.
The big bank cut interest rates right down to naught
The impact was minimal, who would have thought?
The long bond now yields down nearby two fifty,
If you live on interest, that’s not too nifty.
And then just when things could not get any worse,
Here comes Bernie Madoff at the wheel of a hearse.
He promised investors a steady return,
But his evil scheme through their money did burn.
His victims were targets of the world’s largest theft,
Now god only knows what these poor saps have left.
Investors are hurting, many race for the door,
You can hear them screaming, “We can’t take any more!”
And so I exclaim o’er this landscape of blight,
“Will the last person left, please turn off the light.”