How To Dope.

First, when your skinny ass friend says lets go ride the front range in the morning, and also you like to sleep, it can be a good idea to eat breakfast right before bed. I like rice noodles and almond butter sauce with chicken broccoli and peppers. When you've had your fill, that's when you start stuffing you face with noodles. Don't let up even though your heart hurts. That's not your heart its just a lump of noodles at the top of a twisting tower of partially digested food. Now, hopefully you can take a dump right when you get up because it is important to wake up, dope, and be on your bike as soon as possible. If not have some cold brew espresso on hand to guzzle over ice.... that'll get you moving. now its time to get our dope list in order.

Pre ride dope:
All natural whey protein(mix it in 6 ounces of keifer(probiotic dope(nice)))
Emergen"c" Classic doping product invented by Rasta-leprechauns in the 1980's
Bong Hits: Milk them yellow. If you ride hard enough they will last your entire
ride guaranteed. It's no joke that if you are giddy and doing funny impressions
while you ride, you ride harder and better. More fun=bigger ride.

Dope for your jersey:
Almonds, Prunes, Dates, Gummi bears, and Water
If your going real far bring some lunch, or if you want to
really get all doped up, just bring some brownies.
Eat the almonds with your chewy fruits. This is a power-bar hobbit style.

Post ride dope:
Espresso: Cortado's are a fantastic beverage, light milk, no sugar.
Hose: Seriously get your head under that thing, even though your
shivering after your third climb on a hot day, it feels great and
your covered in salt. It will be as exhilarating as that last attack where
you shifted up on your down tubes, got out of the saddle, dropped
your 120 pound friend, and confused a cyclist trying to fix is electric
automatic SRAM-onator with your steal filly.
Dinner: Eat whatever you want jeese

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